I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
