im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
