Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
