Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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