youre lurking in front of me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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