im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
