I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
