Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
