Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
