I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
