if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
