Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
