I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
