I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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