i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
