I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
