You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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