Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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