I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
