just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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