It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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