I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
