I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she smelled like a LAN party
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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