Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize