I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
