Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
