She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
