Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
