The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
