I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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