Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
