I didn't shave. On purpose
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
