she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
