My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
