Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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