i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
