he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
