The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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