omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
