i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
