Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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