I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
