I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
