I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
