is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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