yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
