All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
