is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
