for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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