Your face is a jimmy john
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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