I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
