You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
