hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
