haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
