i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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