i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
