all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
