i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
