DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
