Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
