but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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