Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
