He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize