If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
