Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just high enough for therapy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize