I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
