I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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