I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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