2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
