I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
